[First Draft]
During this odyssey I must have learned something. But I never took the time to discover the lessons. I accepted that girls were part of life, and would occasionally fall into mine. I had a vague yearning for love, and a family, but did not explore how I might find, might systematically create that state.
However, when the promise of lasting love arrived in the person of Cheryl H., I apparently was ready. I knew when we found each other that being together was easy, fun, safe, and secure. I forgot my past connections, never took the time to see how each of them might have prepared me to take advantage of what life with Cheryl offered. Now, fifty years on, I have glimmers of what a girlfriend is, what we can be, together.
Those other girls gave me confidence, I see now, that I was lovable, attractive, and ready to be steady with one girl, with the right girl.
There are many ways towards love. Most of them fizzle and reach a dead end before arriving at that final place of safety, security, contentment, and a future. There are several doors into the maze. Once in, various paths can be taken through other doors, all of which must be found and opened before the final exit is before you.
A relationship can start many places. With Molly, it was infatuation. With Janie, friendship. Beth and I began as companions, roommates. Jenna offered a quickly aborted physical attraction. But with none of them was I able to travel the whole way. I don’t know that any route is best, I only know the journey must be complete, before the door marked “Love” appears. Cheryl and I (she might tell you different) began with an easy physical attraction. I didn’t know that would lead anywhere, but she felt safe with me, safe enough to let our friendship quickly move us in together, as companions. I became infatuated with her, on a much deeper level than anyone before. I wanted her forever. It took years of moving repeatedly through all those doors, spiraling higher towards a moment when it became obvious we were partners, ready to build a life together, to create more of us.