Gratitude

I had been planning on writing a one year update on my accident. But then I had this interchange on the Endurance Nation forum yesterday.

First, the post from John, who was feeling a bit irritated as he contemplated the day’s training schedule for the upcoming Ironman Arizona:

Woke up this morning in a piss poor mood.  Tucker and I chatted on Google+ Huddle for a bit and I was whining about having “to do” this training.  I was just not into it.  Not enjoying the training at all.  In short, my attitude sucked.

Went out on my ride this morning and debated turning right and simply riding to the local coffee shop and chilling or turning left and heading out for my 75′ session.

I am not a heavily religious guy, but I do “believe.”  As I was pedaling I said a quick prayer and asked for some guidance/help.  Mentally I haven’t been into IM training.  I then turned right and headed to the coffe shop.  Resigned to a lack luster day.

Here is where it gets weird for me. . . . .
– I pull up to the coffee shop and a buddy of mine hops out of his car with a soft boot on his right leg.  He got a stress fracture and his marathoning season is done.  He told me he wishes he could run cuz he hates not have the ability to do so right now.

– I go into the coffee shop and the president of our local tri club is working at one of the tables and his left knee is all bandaged up.  He just had his 3rd menicus surgery and his running career is over.  He has done like 5 IM’s and run several marathons.  But now his running days are over. Period.  He looks at me and says, “I wish I were you.  I would give anything to do a ride and a T-run on this beautiful day.”  Humbling to say the least.

– I then start to think about JT and his recent crash and thinking of what he has to go through over the next bunch of months.

All I have to say is God sure has a way of getting my attention.  After 10′ at that coffee shop I got on my bike and had a new sense of wonder.  That I “get to” do this training.  I don’t “have to.”

I did the 75′ bike and T-run but with a new pair of glasses.  Looking around, checking out the scenery and enjoy the moment.

I can safely say that today I am grateful for my fitness, health and vitality.   Sometimes I just need to get slapped in the proverbial face to be able to see it and appreciate it.

That’s it.  Thanks for listening.

Now, here’s my response:

Thanks for this, John. I’ve been struggling with this every day for a year, and I think your message here may finally have woken me up.

For the last year, I’ve been mad, angry, and upset. Mad that, on the day I was in the greatest shape of my life, I ran into a truck and ended in the ICU – I wasn’t mad about being injured, I was mad about not being able to get on a plane for Hawaii and race. Then I was mad about losing 15 # in the hospital, and all of my fitness, and all the injuries I had to repair. Getting back to where I had been was just going to take so much time and effort, it didn’t seem fair! I was mad I didn’t have enough time to get ready for IM CDA, mad and upset I couldn’t swim as fast as I used to, and really upset when I just didn’t seem to have any motivation to go fast in that race.

I kept getting upset (and confused) when people would ask me, wasn’t I glad just to be alive, just to be able to be running and biking again, and glad I was simply able to compete at what I (used to) love. That concept – being grateful for what I had, instead of being mad about what I felt I’d lost – just wasn’t computing for me.

I’ve only made one New Year’s resolution in my life – on Jan 1, 1999, I resolved to start running and do a sprint triathlon at the end of June. You can see where that got me. So today, as I start my own personal New Year (my accident was on Sept 18, 2010) I resolve to enjoy myself and my fitness again, and will put away the sense of loss, and and replace it with a sense of wonder at what I *can* do. Improve from where I am, and stop trying to replicate what I used to be.