Road Trip — I

I’m perusing some of my old writing, looking for additional material for a memoir-ish book I’m working on. This story, written circa 1985-90, carries its own preface. I’m breaking it into 3 or four parts, lightly edited…

[Ed. note: This was written 15 or 20 years ago. The first page of my only (hand-written) copy is labeled “2”, and the others are numbered consecutively after that. I can’t really remember what page “1” is supposed to say, although I’m sure it is the best single page I’ve ever written in my life. Extrapolating back from what remains, it probably describes a “perfect ski run”. I can imagine, given how page 2 begins, that it snowed 2-3 feet in Little Cottonwood Canyon between 3 PM and midnight, then the clouds parted, the temperature dropped to 0F, all the moisture was sucked out of the snow by the 9 AM first tram run, which I took to the top of Snowbird. From there, I stomped into my Haute Routes, strapped the cords around my calves, and skated towards “Teardrop”, an hourglass chute beneath the upper portion of the Tram. Or possibly whisked on over to “Great Scott”, or somewhere farther on in Peruvian Cirque. Then down Anderson Hill, and into the mogul fields of Silver Fox. The snow is bottomless, I have trouble breathing from endless face shots (I see some fellow powder hounds putting snorkels to good use), and I’m feeling at the top of my game. (For a memorable description of how an author feels when he loses something he knows was really good, see the preface to “Lake Wobegon Days”, by Garrison Keillor. That’s how I feel about this missing first page.)

However, the start of page “2” (which does begin at the beginning of a sentence, though not at a paragraph) seems to be a reasonable image for the beginning of a piece originally called “How to Ski”.]

…The cushioning of all that snow over the usually knee-jarring mogul field had a deliriously clearing effect on my brain. I suddenly saw that skiing in these bumps was simply a matter of moving my knees from my chest down to my ankles and back again as quickly and painlessly as possible. Spurred on by this thought, I shot across the bridge over Little Cottonwood Creek, bounded out of my skis, and raced into the tram building. Flashing my pass at the turnstile, I scampered into the waiting blue car, hogging a choice spot by the door, making the third tram easily.

Knee deep powder, first tram at Snowbird, and a clear, cold sky – this was my skier’s dream, and I was living it! I am not a professional skier; I don’t work at a ski shop or wait at tables at night. Yet day after day, all winter from January 1st to April 30th, I showed up every morning to catch the tram. I figured a job would just get in the way of my skiing; the only true ski bum is unemployed.

Ten years earlier, in Aspen, I’d tried the dishwasher route. At Guido’s Swiss Inn, no less! Guido Meyer, a millionaire European patriarch, was known to bodily boot out any male patron whose hair was not Swiss Army regulation length. He was the owner of the last neon sign in downtown Aspen. I heard the ad on KSNO for a dishwasher; it included the phrase “longhairs need not apply”. Since I’d been on the swimming team at college just before I left in December, my hair was still reasonably short. As I approached the restaurant, I saw the famous sign, “Hippies Will Be Shot” (this was in 1970). But I only had $180 and a beat-up Dodge, and if I wanted to ski, I needed money, and money meant work. As a 20-year-old college drop-out (majoring in Religion), I had few marketable skills. Luckily, dish washing was one of them.

Guido was a tall, overbearing man with heavy, greying eyebrows, and an accent so thick, I could barely understand the terms of employment. One dollar an hour, plus lunch and dinner, and a free place to sleep; four lunch hour shifts (11:30-2:00), and six dinners (5-10) per week.

Despite the lack of skiing time, I was satisfied with that winter. The only other skiing I’d done was the previous winter over Christmas and Spring breaks, in Aspen, with my family. Only ten or fifteen days altogether. But like so many others (my sister, for one, who that winter was setting up her encampment in Ketchum, Idaho), skiing hooked me very quickly. Between peeling potatoes and zucchini, gutting shrimp and slicing carrots, I managed to sneak enough time on my metal boards to make it down Ruthie’s without embarrassing myself too much. But I was still doing my skiing on the beginner and intermediate slopes. The Ridge of Bell, the apex of Aspen Mountain, might as well have been on the moons of Jupiter, for all I might be able to schuss down its rock and bump scarred face. At that time, I was not ready to give another winter over to the snow.

That time would come, I felt. But over the next nine years, it had to wait; I could only dream. In the meantime, I was engaged in a very long and frustrating rite of passage. Most people eventually reach a stage where they can at least present a reasonable facsimile of being an adult to the world. Being responsible, answering the phone when it rings, opening a checking account, buying on credit – all that is important. But behind it all lies that horrid phrase, guaranteed to strike catatonia into the darkened corner of us all where the eternal child hides: “Get a job!” For some people, it’s as easy as signing on at the nearest housing development, nailing two-by-fours together. Others have wistfully romantic dreams of living forever in ethereal thought, and endlessly grind their minds away in graduate seminars on English Literature. Still others seem hung up on “making a difference” in the world. With all these motivations, and others still, I entered medical school, hoping to become a psychiatrist. Having spent three successive summers leading a band of kids on a swimming team to three straight undefeated seasons, I figured I should be a child shrink.

I quickly discovered I couldn’t stand sitting around on my rear end eight hours a day listening to people tell me how rotten their world is or listening to other psychiatrists trying to build an ephemeral, pseudo-scientific infrastructure for their therapeutic adventures. So I turned to something a little happier, with a little more action, a little more structure. I would deliver babies. Now, don’t believe it when people say the only things certain are death and taxes. We all know about billionaires who pay Uncle Sam nothing. And as a doctor, I know that people are being pulled every day, not just from the jaws of death, but from its very bowels, regurgitated back into this life in a semi-digested state, but “living” nonetheless. No, the only thing certain, is, all God’s children got to be born. I figured I’d never lack for work if I took up that profession. Besides, have you ever seen the smile on a mother’s face as she plays with her minutes-old baby? A thousand smiles like that have gone by me, and I still get tears sometimes when I see it. There’s nothing like recurrent birth to keep a fresh feeling in one’s life.But learning that took time; four years in medical school, and another four in training at a hospital. Oh, they let us out now and then, blinking and coughing in the LA sun. And every free day (what few there were), I’d run away, to find some ice or snow, to ski.

[To Be Cont’d…] 

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Which Novels Would You Read Again?

Last December, I read James, by Percival Everett. The story loosely parallels The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, told from Jim’s perspective. Since it had been 40 years since I read Huck Finn, I took the opportunity to do something I’m always putting off – re-read a book which had a great influence on me, my thinking and my own writing.

I quickly came up with a list of nine books I wanted to live with again and vowed to finish them all this year. At first, I went to my library for inspiration, and came up with, in chronological order:

Moby Dick or, The Whale

Huck Finn

The Great Gadsby

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Catcher in the Rye

Catch-22

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Gravity’s Rainbow

Lake Wobegon Days

            Two more jumped into my head, read but no longer possessed:

To Kill a Mockingbird

Lonesome Dove

I pondered why these eleven had made my list. Each is written in a striking and distinct voice. Each has a story which stayed with me after I finished the book. Each altered in some way how I looked at the world. Each influenced to some degree my own concept of writing style. Each was written more than 3 decades ago. Suspecting there might be a few more to make my evolving New Year’s resolution, I perused a few online ranking lists, and added:

Call of the Wild

A Confederacy of Dunces

Slaughterhouse Five

Either One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or Sometimes a Great Notion

Hemingway alternatives Farewell to Arms or Sun Also Rises

Lonesome Dove

Dune

Seventeen novels – a prime number, for sure. I’ll report back as I finish each.

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Polostan

Neal Stephenson has been churning out novels at the rate of one every four years or so since 1984. His interests are protean. Early on (The Big U, Zodiac), he skewered higher education, environmentalists and corporate polluters. He then shifted to speculative works set in a plausible near future (Snow Crash, The Diamond Age). There, he coined the term “metaverse”, and show-cased 3-D printing technology long before it came into use. An image has stuck with me over the decades: a motorcycle riding outlaw keeps others at bay with a small nuclear device in his sidecar.

He moved on to historical fiction, starting with the marriage of Boolean logic and electric relays to create the first computers during during World War II  in Cryptonomicon, then heading back hundreds of years to 17th century London (The Baroque Cycle, a trilogy). Having visited the present, past and future, he turned to fantasy (Anathem). By this time I was fully committed to reading whatever he chose to write, and devoured Reamde as soon as it came out. In this fast-paced witty thriller, he cinematically follows a young Seattle techy who drops down the rabbit-hole of a phishing email. Next up: a space odyssey spanning 5,000 years following the incineration of earth by an exploding moon as the few remaining human survivors wander the solar system waiting for their planet to cool – Seveneves. The “real” world not being broad enough for his palette, he moved into cyberspace where the rich and adventurous can upload their consciousness and continue interacting with those left behind. Finally, back to reality in Termination Shock, featuring a mash-up of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk.

Which brings us to his most recent offering, Polostan, the first of a promised trilogy, the Bomb Light Cycle. Unlike his earlier works, this clocks in at a breezy 300 pages, making it a comparatively easy read. “Comparatively”, because Stephenson displays his wide-ranging curiosity as he disjointedly follows Dawn Rae Bjornberg in her peregrinations during the early 1930s. She finds herself, in short but no particular order in the Chicago World’s Fair, our nation’s capital, fundamentalist North Dakota, the American outback of southeastern Montana where cowboys nurture polo ponies, and the blast furnaces of a Siberian Soviet iron works.

Dawn, still in her late teens, shows precocious coping skills gained from her parents’ disparate backgrounds. Her father is a full-throated Wobbly communist who takes her to the Bonus Army encampment in Washington, DC the summer before FDR’s election. She spent half her youth in the USSR and the rest on a ranch in Big Sky country, becoming fluent in both cultures and languages.

While the story is ostensibly about Dawn and her personal perils, Stephenson has other interests layered within her story. There are hints the two future volumes will focus more heavily on the rapidly growing knowledge and technology which will lead to the harnessing of the force within the atomic nucleus. The political turmoil on two continents of the early Depression years is ever in the background. Characters pulled from history books (George Patton, Richard Feynman among them) guide Dawn’s fortunes.

In Polostan, Stephenson plays with time as he constructs the story. As he bounces among the varied locales and dates, he helpfully provides the locale, month and year at the start of each chapter. Telling Dawn’s tale with a disjointed chronology is a bit difficult for the reader, but works well at bringing out both her complex personality and the breadth of its import.

I’ve always found Stephenson to be a challenging, yet approachable writer. He insists on sprinkling his own wide-ranging interests throughout whatever story he is telling, much like Thomas Pynchon. He does take more care with his sentences than Pynchon, but one certainly can’t leave their intellect behind when entering their worlds. Each also has a penchant for dropping in paragraph-long lists which provide a condensed picture of what is happening both within and without the mind of the central character. It always pays to fully absorb them, slowing down while progressing through the multiple commas and semi-colons.

Befitting a trilogy, Polostan ends with a cliff-hanger. Dawn and a newly-introduced character are riding horses at the end of a polo match, heading in separate directions, promising to meet again soon, “out in the world.” I can’t wait.

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Viagra and Aortic Dilation

On the Mayo Clinic prostate cancer forum, someone asked about the risk of Viagra in the presence of aortic dilation of 4.1 cm.

An echocardiogram is often done during investigation of potential cardiac problems. I have had several done since 2013, for reasons other than concern about a dilated aorta. However, it was discovered that my ascending aorta (the part of this artery which is closest to the heart itself) is 4.1 cm wide. This is technically “dilated”, with the very upper limits of normal being 4.0. The wider the aorta gets, the “flimsier” its wall is, to the point that it may start to balloon out under the pressure of blood being ejected from the heart…an aneurysm. The wider an aneurysm, the more likely it is to burst, which is a potentially life threatening situation of immediate concern.

My own aorta is very minimally dilated, and is not getting progressively wider. My doctors (cardiology and family practice) have not advised me to alter my life style in any way, even knowing that I have been participating in triathlons up at and including Ironman at a very high level for 25 years. But the issue of Viagra use was never raised, even though my FP at least is aware of my recent prostate surgery.

Viagra affects the smooth muscle of the heart and blood vessels, causing them to loosen and relax. That’s why it works to help increase blood flow into the penis and help with erectile formation. That same feature of smooth muscle dilation might be a risk factor for a dilated aorta.

A quick literature search ( Google: Viagra and Aortic Dilation) revealed several articles of interest:

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/circ.144.suppl_1.9487…A study in mice who had aortic aneurysms (abdominal, nor ascending) induced and then were given sildenafil showed that the aorta was indeed weakened. The authors conclude: “Our findings may raise the caution of clinical usage of Viagra in aneurysmal patients.”

https://academic.oup.com/icvts/article/9/1/141/720366…A case report with literature search of a young man who had an aneurysm following ingestion of Viagra. They conclude: “The patients for whom sildenafil use is suitable should undergo not only an examination for coronary artery disorder but also the diseases that will affect the aorta; physical examination should definitely be accompanied by an echocardiographic examination.”

While my heart has not yet broken due to Viagra use, I intend to stop taking it. I am now 18 months post surgery, with what I regard as full return of erectile function. E.g., I have nocturnal erections, and am able to achieve penetrative sex without the use of the drug.

The studies cited above are in the cardiology literature, not urology or oncology. And most cases of mild aortic dilation will not be symptomatic. So finding good advice within one’s medical team might take some work.

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Is Starbucks Doomed?

Starbucks new CEO, Brian Niccol is trying to streamline the ordering process, eliminate bloat on the menu, and return the coffee giant to its roots as a nurturing place to visit.

I believe Starbucks will go the way of Boeing, another Seattle institution, for the same reason. The airplane manufacturer began its decline when the CEO decamped to Chicago, then DC, severing the in-person link with those being led. Niccol lives in Newport Beach, and will not move to our town, where the 3500 person headquarters is located. Instead, he’s been given a private plane and permission to manage via Zoom. How does he expect to engender trust among those who will actually lead and manage his imagined transformation, without an up close and personal management style to match the personal touch he expects of front-line workers? Culture in big corporations flows from the top, Brian.

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Book Review: Playground

Richard Powers’ latest novel, Playground, has a choose-your-own-genre feel to it. Want a straight-forward romantic comedy? He offers two meant for-each-other leads who suffer through an insurmountable split, then re-unite. Or maybe tragic rom-com…another pair, best friends from youth, suffer a falling out only to finally re-engage after one has lost his mental faculties, his whole personhood. How about a lyrical journey through the ocean’s depths, visited by a woman who spends her life visiting underwater Edens, allowing Powers to rhapsodize about the mysteries therein.

But wait! He weaves in the story of an early fictional social media behemoth, which grows to monstrous proportions by gamifying the interactions among its multi-billion-strong user base. As if that’s not enough, he suggests that its increasing reliance on deep-learning artificial intelligence might result in human resurrection – literally, the recreation of the physical being, consciousness, and memory of any and everyone who’s ever lived.

All of this floats around a straight-forward story of a tiny (population: 80) Pacific isle which finds itself facing a recurrent nightmare. Unknown investors intend to use the decaying ports and other facilities left over from phosphate mining which decimated the island in the 19th and 20th centuries. They plan on building floating cities, launching them from Makatea into open waters, free at last from any governmental regulation or economic parasitism. The islanders are given the option to vote on that prospect. It is the resulting discussion which serves as the scaffolding of all of Powers’ other concerns.

Two narrators appear. One, first-person, is Todd Keane, the creator of that social media platform, “Playground”. He dictates his part of the story to the AI machine he has created. Through him, we learn about his youthful friendship with Rafi Young, founded on their love of games, specifically chess, then Go. Todd is a child of privilege from Evanston just north of Chicago. His father is a manic financier who offered little love to Todd,  his sister, and mother. Rafi’s own father, separated from his mother when Rafi was five, has drilled him playing games just as Todd’s did. Donald Young wants to ensure his son, who lives in the black ghettos of South Chicago, will be strong and secure, able to work twice as hard and be twice as tough as any white man.

Despite that attempt, Rafi grows up to be a literary academic, endlessly perfecting his thesis on 19th century poets. He and Todd remain close through their Jesuit high school, and the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana. While in college, they meet, and Rafi falls in love with, Ina Aroita. Daughter of an Hawaiian father and Tahitian mother, she grows up in Honolulu, and ventures to U of I after high school. There, she is fascinated by her first sight of snow, and develops her artistic talent of taking found objects, melding them together, and letting them speak for her.

Their three stories are told at times by Todd, and at times by an omniscient narrator with whom his musings and reminiscences alternate. Also in that narration, we follow the on-going story of Makatea’s community, which includes Eveline Beaulieu. We meet Evie first as a twelve-year old French-Canadian girl whose father has thrown her into the deep end of a swimming pool, forty pounds of underwater breathing apparatus attached to her back. She survives that, demonstrating the practicality of the technology which Jacques Cousteau and others would use to open the door to all that lies below. Her story only tangentially connects to the other three. At age 92, she finds herself, along with Ina and Rafi, as a new arrival on that tiny atoll about to be overwhelmed by the 21st century.

Powers does eventually bring all this together, but the structure seems a bit creaky, an overly complicated way of merging all his ideas and characters. And in the end, it’s not clear there is a unity to his purpose.

But along the way, his writing is sparkling. Each character reveals an inner and outer complexity, appearing completely whole. His descriptions of the early internet, the explosive and dangerous growth of monetized social media, and the veiled musings of current day artificial intelligence are captivating. Even more mesmerizing are the trips Eveline takes into the hidden world below the ocean surface, Creatures unimaginable come alive for us. We see dancing lights on the skin of a cuttle-fish and are fascinated by the continuing relationship between Evie and a manta ray trapped in fishing line.

Powers takes care with every person we meet. The unwilling mayor of the island struggles to bring meetings to order. The elderly “Queen” of the island communicates by dance and song. Even a hermit seems worthy of attention. Indeed, the most affecting moment of the book might be the death of a minor character from cancer.

Even though I enjoyed this book and was drawn more and more quickly into the overlapping stories, I couldn’t help but feel that Powers’ editor was afraid to tell the Pulitzer Prize winner, “Richard, decide what you are really trying to tell us here, and hone in on that.”

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Palmares

Over the past 25 years, I’ve been saving my event and race bibs. I put them up on my door after the event, and remove them at the end of the year. Then I’ve been stuffing them on a shelf next to my desk, Today, I decided to get serious about “down-sizing in place”, and started with those bibs.

There are 250 – an average of 10/year. They amount to my “palmares”. Before throwing them in the trash (I’ve kept the ten most memorable/meaningful), I did an inventory:

Ironman – 39, including 8 x Kona (11 total qualifications), 3 x AG course records, 8 x AG wins, and 2 ITU Worlds (highest was 2nd place)

1/2 Ironman: 18

Xterra World Championships: 8, best finishes 2 x 3rd, 1 x 2nd.

Shorter Triathlons (Sprint, Oly, Xterra, etc.): 85. Highlight: USAT Nat’l Champs x 3, highest finish 5th.

Marathons: 7, including 3 x Boston

Half Marathons: 30, PR of 1:33 @ age 55

Shorter Running Races (5-15k): 37, 5k, 10k PRs of 20:08, 42:13, both @ 59

Cycling Races and Events: 25

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Montana OF Gravel Trek, Day 3: Harlowton to Big Timber

“Do you think I’ll need this anymore?” Tom held up a mud-encrusted tongue depressor. He leaned down and scrapped a few clumps of the brown muck clogging his derailleur. “It’s not that bad, just those few puddles back there.”

“I turned around a few miles ahead. Jonnie said it was getting worse, impassable for the van. So I’d keep it, if I were you. The road gets narrower, becomes just two ruts, or at least it was a year ago,” I replied.

After the previous day’s downpour, Day 3 of our gravel trek dawned crisp and clear. At 6:40, I pulled the curtain back and saw someone briskly heading down 2nd Ave in the direction of “Downtown”.

“There goes Rick,” I said to Dave. “He must be heading out for breakfast. I’m going to try and follow him. I’ll text you when I get to Klo’s, let you know if the menu’s any good.”

Klo’s Kitchen, in a repurposed storefront at the corner of Hiway 12 and Central Ave, was the only place in town open at 7 AM. Rick had set off hoping to find some real coffee. I caught up to him just as he arrived at the doorway. Inside, a young woman in blue jeans and sweatshirt was pulling up the shades. My watch read 6:55; Rick rapped on the door glass. Surprisingly, she opened the door for us.

Inside, a spacious, airy room morning light streamed onto our table from the east. The wall behind us, light tan paint generously layered over a brick façade, featured the image of a giant chocolate chip cookie, two bites missing between 11 and 2. Above the case of baked goods – cinnamon rolls, cupcakes, scones, more cookies – two shelves of several dozen syrups stood ready to satisfy the palate of any discriminating espresso fanatic. A chalkboard menu promised oatmeal, berries, and orange juice, in addition to standard toast, eggs, bacon, sausage. I took a picture and sent it to Dave. “This is the best breakfast you’re gonna have on this trip” my caption read. Klo seemed to be filling a need in Harlowton, an alternative to the small town meat and potatoes, biscuits and gravy menus elsewhere.

“How long have you been here?” I asked as the young lady brought my food.

“We opened in in April,” she replied, glancing back where a man, looking cross between a hispter and a cowboy, had ambled up to the counter.

“Wow, this is surprising. Not what I expected, in Harlowton.”

She gave a brief, almost shy, smile, and quickly turned to her customer.

[ED. Note: I wondered about this place, discovered this news story from a local Billings station: https://youtu.be/b5vhvzykG3U?si=qmGPy3TQpjLlWkbd]

The night before, we’d discussed myriad options for the ride today. Who would ride with whom, when they might start, when the faster team would turn around, how the vans would manage the potentially treacherous roads. In the end, Robin, Satish, and Jonnie took off about 8:30, while the rest left 45 minutes later, prudently waiting for the sun to warm the air above the 39F which had greeted us after the storm.

The day would be 95% gravel, with short bits of pavement into and out of the two terminal towns, and a 4 mile stretch in the middle. The first 22 miles were gradually up, along a progressively narrower and less traveled ranch road. The final 7 miles skirted a small ponderosa-flecked mesa along a double track which promised to be muddy and potentially unridable in sections.

I told the group of Tom, Sheila, Rick, and Dave that I was turning around at that spot, and they would be on their own for the next seven to ten miles. Michele and I would be at the other end, waiting for them with lunch.

“Good luck!” I said. “Try to stay clean and dry?” I stuffed their warm riding kit into the van’s Day Bag and headed back the way I came. In Harlowton, I turned south on US 191, and sped along at 70mph for 25 minutes. I turned back into the grassy plateau, and headed north up a rise, meeting Jonnie and Robin near the crest. We shared our plans.

“I left them back before the road started to get really bad,” I said. “I told them I’d meet them at the junction of Red Bridge and Tony Creek. Maybe have lunch there.”

“That’s about 22 miles in, right/” Jonnie said, looking back down the hill. “It’s a pretty stiff grind, coming up here. I don’t know what they might want, but if it were me, I’d rather eat after a climb. I don’t like the feel of a full stomach right before I have to work up something like that.”

I looked around. A few hundred yards ahead, at a false summit, a stand of trees offered a scenic view of the rolling grasslands leading west to the Little Belt Mountains.

I looked back at Jonnie. “You’re going out to the road? Then turn around? Hopefully, by the time I get down there, they’ll be coming out, and we can decide on where to eat. Just keep riding back ‘til you meet up with us, OK?”

Down at the junction, Michele waited with the Ram.

“I’m going to drive up a bit, see how the road is, if I can see them,” I told her.

As soon as I left Tony Creek, and started up Red Bridge, the surface turned to dirt, and narrowed to about 12 feet wide. Ahead, a small dip held a puddle of uncertain depth. I scanned for a place to turn around, and finding none, performed a perfect 12-point 180. With a deep internal sign of relief, I made it back to the relative safety of the junction. I got out, and walked back around the bend, to a point where I could see the ponderosa mesa. After about ten minutes, the first rider rolled into view, a lot later than I’d expected. I began to worry the track had deadened their spirits, the mud serving up anguish rather than joy.

“How was it?” I asked.

Beaming, Dave chortled, “That was so much fun!” His legs were slathered with caked mud, the logo on his shirt obscured by drying dirt. “But I gotta get this stuff off the rear derailleur before it gets too hard. It stiffens up just like concrete.”

Rick came through next. “You should have seen him – flat on his back rolling around like a turtle!”

“I tried to avoid the puddles, up on the high point in the middle. But that was even slipperier. So I’m lying on my back, and Sheila comes along to get a picture. Tells me to stay there, she didn’t get it the first time.”

Sheila appeared, saying, “You should have seen it! He was almost swimming!”

Tom pulled up last. “Well, you were right, Al.” He brandished the tongue depressor, bent and brown from use. “Glad I had this. That stuff dried as soon as it hit the bike. Never could have kept going without it.”

I grabbed a water bottle and turned back to Dave. “Here, let’s spray that stuff off.” A little bit of squirting and his gears could shift again.

Once everybody calmed down a bit, I said, “I thought we’d eat here.” I pointed ahead, towards the hill rising several hundred feet and a couple of miles in front of us. “But maybe you want to bike up there first?”

They all agreed, and I drove to the top. I raised the camper van top and started lunch preparations. From the refrigerator, I pulled out a giant tub of peanut butter, the 3-pound vast of cream cheese, a pack of 6 “everything” bagels, chutney, marmalade, and strawberry jelly. I started slicing the bagels, excavated the water and Gatorade from the cavern below the rear seat, pulled out paper towels and utensils.

As I finished, Robin, Jonnie and Satish appeared from one side, Rick, Tom, Dave, and Sheila from the other. Perfect timing! They crammed around the van door, grabbing bagel slices and slathering on their preferred topping.

“Got any more of that smoked salmon?” someone asked.

Spirits were high. We had reached the mid-point of our trip, and everything was falling into place. The previous two days of mingling with residents in small towns, the torrential rain, and now a challenging ride through the resulting muddy track had created a group consensus about our trek. Robin was getting all the gravel miles he needed for his upcoming 350-mile ultra-ride. Satish reveled in the quirkiness of the US outback. Michele and Jonnie had discovered yet another place to share their love of bike adventures. Rick did not regret his decision to give off-road biking a try. Dave, muddy though he was, had one more reason to look forward to his future as a Montana resident.

While Satish gazed west towards the Little Belt range, the harbinger of the Rockies over the horizon, Tom and Sheila pulled me aside.

“Can we load up our bikes? That took it out of me, I think,” Sheila said. “That wind will be in our face for the next five miles, right?

“Sure.” I didn’t try to talk them out hopping on my SAG wagon. We drove a few miles down to a lone farmhouse and turned right into the wind. By the time we hit the pavement, I could sense them becoming itchy to get back on their bikes. I dropped them off after we turned left onto the gravel, with the wind now at our backs.

I drove to the start of the pavement, a few miles out of Big Timber, our stop for the night. I gazed up at a sky which stretched forever, the low horizon showcasing the snow-flecked Absarokas to the south, dusty plains to the east, and looming clouds, remnants of yesterday’s storm, to the north. I breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction as I took my Lauf off the rack and started back uphill on two wheels instead of four.

That evening, we drive a couple of miles from our motel to the Grand Hotel, which offers “Fine Dining in our restored 1890s Saloon.” We’re greeted by a harried server, who looks panicked when I tell her we need a table for nine.

“Uh, I’ll have to go check. Wait here,” she says

I look around. Several high-top tables in the bar are filled with customers, while a large nearly vacant room looms beyond. A few minutes later, a smiling willowy lady in a white blouse, long linen skirt and cowboy hat and boots guides us to a large empty space at the back, where a long table has been set up for us.

After a ten-minute wait, the skittish server, who seems to be the only one working this evening, returns and tries to make sense of our request for several split tickets. After learning that we have two groups of two, one group of three, and two singles, flips the pages of her order pad and says, “Oh, that’s too many…I’ll just take y’all’s orders separately and sort it out at the end, OK?”

Jonnie opens the bidding by asking for dessert first. “I’m worried I’ll fill up on the food and won’t get to enjoy it. Besides, I’m nearly fainting now, and need the sugar boost.”

Most of the squad orders one of the myriad versions of burger on the menu – Rodeo, Buffalo, Coffee-rubbed, and Bacon Blue (my choice). A 16-oz ribeye and a 12-oz New York steak are also requested.

During the half hour wait for our meal, we hear an announcement from the bar, 50 feet away: “Welcome to Karaoke Night here at the Grand, everybody! I hope you’re all ready for some FUN!” Strains of an upbeat country tune drift back to us, along with a surprisingly on-key version of a Patsy Cline standard. That’s followed by a hushed, warbled attempt at something by Hank Williams. Quiet for a few minutes, and then the first singer takes back the mike, and says, “No one else? OK, here’s a few more then.”

For the next 45 minutes, we are treated to the surprisingly professional soundings from a pint-sized chanteuse. She not only hits all the notes but throws in the trills and nuances you’d expect from someone who sings for a living. “

Periodically during dinner, she steps up for another song. By the time we begin trying to make sense of the shorthand on the checks we’ve been handed, she has found her way back to us, still cheery-eyed and bursting with enthusiasm.

“OK, I’m sure ONE of you must be a singer here. Just name the song, I’m sure we’ve got it in the machine up there. Come on, who’s gonna try?”

Our tired party tries to placate her, but it’s clear she is not going to take “No” for an answer. I’m worried someone, after a couple of beers, is going to take the bait, and we’ll be there for another hour, losing valuable sleep needed for tomorrow’s ride. When she turns and implores me, “Who’s the best singer here, let’s find out!” I try a little deflection.

“You are really good. You must have been singing since you were a kid? You know what you’re doing, that’s for sure.”

She bubbles back, “Oh, I started singing in church, and just kept it up. It makes me feel so good.”

“Well, you are quite accomplished, that’s for sure. You really know how to sing, I mean really sing.”

Others chime in, and we are able to slowly ease our way to the front door while paying our bills. With and promises to return the next time we are in town, we land on the street at 9 PM.

“Well, that place was sure something,” Dave observes.

The $20 hamburgers, $50 steaks, and a free concert definitely made our two hours at the Grand Hotel Fine Dining Room in Big Timber memorable.

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Montana OF Gravel Trek, Day 3 – ii

Down at the junction, Michele waited with the Ram.

“I’m going to drive up a bit, see how the road is, if I can see them,” I told her.

As soon as I left Tony Creek, and started up Red Bridge, the surface turned to dirt, and narrowed to about 12 feet wide. Ahead, a small dip held a puddle of uncertain depth. I scanned for a place to turn around, and finding none, performed a perfect 12-point 180. With a deep internal sign of relief, I made it back to the relative safety of the junction. I got out, and walked back around the bend, to a point where I could see the ponderosa mesa. After about ten minutes, the first rider rolled into view, a lot later than I’d expected. I began to worry the track had deadened their spirits, the mud serving up anguish rather than joy.

“How was it?” I asked.

Beaming, Dave chortled, “That was so much fun!” His legs were slathered with caked mud, the logo on his shirt obscured by drying dirt. “But I gotta get this stuff off the rear derailleur before it gets too hard. It stiffens up just like concrete.”

Rick came through next. “You should have seen him – flat on his back rolling around like a turtle!”

“I tried to avoid the puddles, up on the high point in the middle. But that was even slipperier. So I’m lying on my back, and Sheila comes along to get a picture. Tells me to stay there, she didn’t get it the first time.”

Sheila appeared, saying, “You should have seen it! He was almost swimming!”

Tom pulled up last. “Well, you were right, Al.” He brandished the tongue depressor, bent and brown from use. “Glad I had this. That stuff dried as soon as it hit the bike. Never could have kept going without it.”

I grabbed a water bottle and turned back to Dave. “Here, let’s spray that stuff off.” A little bit of squirting and his gears could shift again.

Once everybody calmed down a bit, I said, “I thought we’d eat here.” I pointed ahead, towards the hill rising several hundred feet and a couple of miles in front of us. “But maybe you want to bike up there first?”

They all agreed, and I drove to the top. I raised the camper van top and started lunch preparations. From the refrigerator, I pulled out a giant tub of peanut butter, the 3-pound vast of cream cheese, a pack of 6 “everything” bagels, chutney, marmalade, and strawberry jelly. I started slicing the bagels, excavated the water and Gatorade from the cavern below the rear seat, pulled out paper towels and utensils.

As I finished, Robin, Jonnie and Satish appeared from one side, Rick, Tom, Dave, and Sheila from the other. Perfect timing! They crammed around the van door, grabbing bagel slices and slathering on their preferred topping.

“Got any more of that smoked salmon?” someone asked.

Spirits were high. We had reached the mid-point of our trip, and everything was falling into place. The previous two days of mingling with residents in small towns, the torrential rain, and now a challenging ride through the resulting muddy track had created a group consensus about our trek. Robin was getting all the gravel miles he needed for his upcoming 350-mile ultra-ride. Satish reveled in the quirkiness of the US outback. Michele and Jonnie had discovered yet another place to share their love of bike adventures. Rick did not regret his decision to give off-road biking a try. Dave, muddy though he was, had one more reason to look forward to his future as a Montana resident.

While Satish gazed west towards the Little Belt range, the harbinger of the Rockies over the horizon, Tom and Sheila pulled me aside.

“Can we load up our bikes? That took it out of me, I think,” Sheila said. “That wind will be in our face for the next five miles, right?

“Sure.” I didn’t try to talk them out hopping on my SAG wagon. We drove a few miles down to a lone farmhouse and turned right into the wind. By the time we hit the pavement, I could sense them becoming itchy to get back on their bikes. I dropped them off after we turned left onto the gravel, with the wind now at our backs.I drove to the start of the pavement, a few miles out of Big Timber, our stop for the night. I gazed up at a sky which stretched forever, the low horizon showcasing the snow-flecked Absarokas to the south, dusty plains to the east, and looming clouds, remnants of yesterday’s storm, to the north. I breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction as I took my Lauf off the rack and started back uphill.

[To Be Concluded]

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Montana OF Gravel Trek, Day 3:

“Do you think I’ll need this anymore?” Tom held up a mud-encrusted tongue depressor. He leaned down and scrapped a few clumps of the brown muck clogging his derailleur. “It’s not that bad, just those few puddles back there.”

“I turned around a few miles ahead. Jonnie said it was getting worse, impassable for the van. So I’d keep it, if I were you. The road gets narrower, becomes just two ruts, or at least it was a year ago,” I replied.

After the previous day’s downpour, Day 3 of our gravel trek dawned crisp and clear. At 6:40, I pulled the curtain back and saw someone briskly heading down 2nd Ave in the direction of “Downtown”.

“There goes Rick,” I said to Dave. “He must be heading out for breakfast. I’m going to try and follow him. I’ll text you when I get to Klo’s, let you know if the menu’s any good.”

Klo’s Kitchen, in a repurposed storefront at the corner of Hiway 12 and Central Ave, was the only place in town open at 7 AM. Rick had set off hoping to find some real coffee. I caught up to him just as he arrived at the doorway. Inside, a young woman in blue jeans and sweatshirt was pulling up the shades. My watch read 6:55; Rick rapped on the door glass. Surprisingly, she opened the door for us.

Inside, a spacious, airy room morning light streamed onto our table from the east. The wall behind us, light tan paint generously layered over a brick façade, featured the image of a giant chocolate chip cookie, two bites missing between 11 and 2. Above the case of baked goods – cinnamon rolls, cupcakes, scones, more cookies – two shelves of several dozen syrups stood ready to satisfy the palate of any discriminating espresso fanatic. A chalkboard menu promised oatmeal, berries, and orange juice, in addition to standard toast, eggs, bacon, sausage. I took a picture and sent it to Dave. “This is the best breakfast you’re gonna have on this trip” my caption read. Klo seemed to be filling a need in Harlowton, an alternative to the small town meat and potatoes, biscuits and gravy menus elsewhere.

“How long have you been here?” I asked as the young lady brought my food.

“We opened in in April,” she replied, glancing back where a man, looking cross between a hispter and a cowboy, had ambled up to the counter.

“Wow, this is surprising. Not what I expected, in Harlowton.”

She gave a brief, almost shy, smile, and quickly turned to her customer.

[ED. Note: I wondered about this place, discovered this news story from a local Billings station: https://youtu.be/b5vhvzykG3U?si=qmGPy3TQpjLlWkbd]

The night before, we’d discussed myriad options for the ride today. Who would ride with whom, when they might start, when the faster team would turn around, how the vans would manage the potentially treacherous roads. In the end, Robin, Satish, and Jonnie took off about 8:30, while the rest left 45 minutes later, prudently waiting for the sun to warm the air above the 39F which had greeted us after the storm.

The day would be 95% gravel, with short bits of pavement into and out of the two terminal towns, and a 4 mile stretch in the middle. The first 22 miles were gradually up, along a progressively narrower and less traveled ranch road. The final 7 miles skirted a small ponderosa-flecked mesa along a double track which promised to be muddy and potentially unridable in sections.

I told the group of Tom, Sheila, Rick, and Dave that I was turning around at that spot, and they would be on their own for the next seven to ten miles. Michele and I would be at the other end, waiting for them with lunch.

“Good luck!” I said. “Try to stay clean and dry?” I stuffed their warm riding kit into the van’s Day Bag and headed back the way I came. In Harlowton, I turned south on US 191, and sped along at 70mph for 25 minutes. I turned back into the grassy plateau, and headed north up a rise, meeting Jonnie and Robin near the crest. We shared our plans.

“I left them back before the road started to get really bad,” I said. “I told them I’d meet them at the junction of Red Bridge and Tony Creek. Maybe have lunch there.”

“That’s about 22 miles in, right/” Jonnie said, looking back down the hill. “It’s a pretty stiff grind, coming up here. I don’t know what they might want, but if it were me, I’d rather eat after a climb. I don’t like the feel of a full stomach right before I have to work up something like that.”

I looked around. A few hundred yards ahead, at a false summit, a stand of trees offered a scenic view of the rolling grasslands leading west to the Little Belt Mountains.

I looked back at Jonnie. “You’re going out to the road? Then turn around? Hopefully, by the time I get down there, they’ll be coming out, and we can decide on where to eat. Just keep riding back ‘til you meet up with us, OK?”

Down at the junction, Michele waited with the Ram.

“I’m going to drive up a bit, see how the road is, if I can see them,” I told her.

As soon as I left Tony Creek, and started up Red Bridge, the surface turned to dirt, and narrowed to about 12 feet wide. Ahead, a small dip held a puddle of uncertain depth. I scanned for a place to turn around, and finding none, performed a perfect 12-point 180. With a deep internal sign of relief, I made it back to the relative safety of the junction. I got out, and walked back around the bend, to a point where I could see the ponderosa mesa. After about ten minutes, the first rider rolled into view, a lot later than I’d expected. I began to worry the track had deadened their spirits, the mud serving up anguish rather than joy.

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[To be cont’d]

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